As my summer comes to an end I've come to realize that there's a LOT that God has taught/showed me. My summer was destined to be boring, unfulfilling, and spent missing my closest friends. When I first got out of school this past spring semester I was very frustrated with God. I didn't understand why He had me stuck in Memphis while my best friends and fiance were all going to serve both in the states and internationally. I was frustrated that I had to take Organic Chemistry (of all classes) and had to waste a month in summer school. I was frustrated that I had to take out a loan. Frustrated. Period. I mean, even in my most optimistic state I thought I'd at the very least be able to work in Orange Mound a whole lot and be able to spend some much needed quality time with my family. Well it turns out that God had some plans of His own.
I'll start with Organic Chemistry because that was the first huge hurdle I faced. First of all, I was failing miserably. Literally from day one, I was lost, I knew immediately that it was over for me and my summer just came crashing down before me. Nevertheless, I wasn't a quitter and I knew God had me there for a reason. I persevered and tried my best. I spent many nights sobbing, emailing my TA with questions, emailing my teacher for help, watching every single youtube video there every was about Organic Chemistry, texting countless people for prayer, etc. etc. It-was-awful ! I began to pray and seek what God had in store to teach me through this miserable experience. First, I knew that God really wanted me to cling to Him and trust in His plans. Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” I also began to seek some opportunities to reach out to others around me. That's when God introduced me to Zeinab Shuker. This sweet girl in my Organic Chemistry lab was stuck being my lab partner (little did she know I wasn't all that smart). We instantly formed a connection because she's from Baghdad, Iraq and I told her how I loved meeting people from other countries. I was so thankful that God gave me a friend in class to understand exactly what I was feeling and going through. As class began to dwindle down (as did my grade) I began to again doubt God's sovereignty. I just kept asking "WHY?" I was prepared to not take the final exam and I had already enrolled on the waiting list for Organic Chemistry at Martin, but God gave me a friend in Zeinab, as well as others to encourage me to persist and not give up. I was so truly blessed that others believed in me and knew I could do it (even when I didn't see it in myself). ... About a month later I finally worked up enough courage to check my grades and much to my surprise God had blessed me with a miracle. A BIG miracle. I PASSED! As I think back about passing chemistry and how I struggled so much through the whole process, I can see God's faithfulness. I see how He taught me to cling to Him and trust in His plan for my summer. It's incredible to see how He worked out everything for His good and His glory and that there is no way I could take any credit for the miracle of passing! Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Once chemistry came to an end I began to face the harsh reality that most all of my friends and my fiance were gone serving Jesus and/or working. And there I was, having "wasted" a month of my summer, and blown my opportunity to get a good job (immediately after being done with chemistry, I just knew I had failed- ha!- so I thought that my summer had been such a waste), and because I had no job, I wasn't able to have any money for any sort of mission trip. And on top of that, the one ministry that my heart beats for was on a 3 week vacation. What was I going to do? Well my Jesus had an answer for that too. The week that classes ended, I had not one but two opportunities for me to house sit. I was also asked to clean houses and babysit. God saw my heart and knew my needs and He provided. I was again blown away and beyond thankful for His provision. 1 John 5:14-15 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.
In the middle of all of God's goodness I began to see even more of His hand in my life this summer. As each day passed I began to see that God placed me at home to lean on and grow in fellowship with my college group. I spent a lot of time missing my friends and wishing I was elsewhere, while at the same time God was providing me comfort, peace, and community through my college group. He showed me what it meant to be completely transparent. He showed me how to uncover the lies of the enemy and cling to HIS promises. He showed me that each of the people in the college group were intricately placed there for His purpose and through that we could only give praise to Him. It was really neat to hear that others in my church family/community, whom I wasn't necessarily close to, were going through some of the exact same situations as me. What was even more exciting was that we could actually rely on one another for prayer and encouragement, and often times without even asking! I've grown to love being apart of such an awesome group of disciples. Something else God showed me through the time I spent with my church family (that I grew to love so so much) was the intense times of worship through song, prayer, confession, and digging into God's word. It was through this time that I felt most in tune with the Spirit of God living inside me. I desire to bring this time spent abiding with God back to school to share with my Martin fam, and I look forward to how He will get the glory through it all. John 15:9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.
One of the trials I went through during this summer was with my family. Basically my parents were at a major crossroad and the entire family was/is in need of big change. It was during this rough patch that I had to depend the most on God. I of course spent a lot of time asking God "Why?" I didn't understand why I had to go through yet another trial to learn what it meant to depend on Him. But that's just what He wanted me to do. He wanted me to lean on Him even more, and boy did I ever. There's no way, emotionally, physically, spiritually or otherwise that I could've made it through the family struggles (or anything else for that matter) without total dependence on Christ. James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
I could've easily been in any city, state, or country in the whole wide world, but had I been anywhere but Memphis I wouldn't have gone through the trials that drew me closer to God. I realize now, despite wishing I was elsewhere this summer, that I was exactly where God wanted me to be. He knew exactly which situations to put me in and bring me through so that I would have to depend totally on Him. There are several more examples of His faithfulness in my life this summer, however this is getting kinda lengthy, nevertheless, I can sing a thousand thanks and praises to Him for exactly what He did in my life this summer. I'm so excited to see how gaining this new understanding of dependence on Christ will transfer back to my daily life at school. I'm now able to be thankful when look at my struggles from His point of view, and I'm able to understand what truly abiding in Him looks like.
