Expectations.

Have you ever felt like you just can't do anything right?
I don't mean this in an emo, "I suck at life" sort of way.
I mean does everything you do and everything you don't do seem to never ever measure up to the expectations of those around you? Even the "simple" expectations of those around you are seemingly impossible to carry through with all the time.


I have pondered about expectations before in regards to several different things.
I've thought about my parent's expectations for school and how I've consistently kept my C+  sometimes B+ average. I see myself falling short of my parent's expectations constantly and I compare myself to others around me who have such an easy time pleasing their parents with their A's and honors courses, or perhaps C+ is just fine with their parents. While I know that my grades don't mean everything to my parents it sure would be nice to make them proud with some big scholarship, honor society, or scholastic recognition.
I've thought about the expectations of marriage. Sometimes I see other engaged couples being so prepared and carefree about their futures with their betrothed while I feel as if I'm setting Pete up for failure by being so unprepared to be an adult let alone a wife! [However, I know really and truly this isn't at all how Pete feels towards me and our future together.]
I've thought about friendships and how I can never give enough time, enough attention, or do all the right things to make all of my friends around me happy and satisfied all of the time (and maintain my sanity as well).
I think about my own expectations in myself and all the ideas, thoughts, and plans I've made or come up with and how I never ever seem to follow through.
Even when I am doing nothing wrong whatsoever, it may be the fact that I am doing nothing at all that lets someone down.


PRAISE GOD THAT THERE'S STILL HOPE FOR ME...


Perhaps most often I think about the ways in which I fall short in glorifying God. This one however has hope and security. Romans 3:23 says "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." and Romans 8:39 says "neither height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
I'm thankful and I can honestly rest in the hope I have in Christ. He accepts me just as I am, flaws and all, and loves me fully despite any expectations I may or may not meet. 


“It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not.”  -Andre Gide

relaxation.

well things have finally started to slow down.
homecoming has come and gone and I can honestly say that although I'm sad it was my last go around, I am really glad it's all over. 
it was really nice to go out with a bang by winning the ropepull championship, not to mention taking tape at all three pulls! i'm sad that all my ADPi sisters' hard work wasn't recognized by placing high in all the events, but they sure did make me proud and they were definitely first place in my heart.

i was really glad to have genevieve come and stay with me for a week during her fall break.  
it was nice to spend some time together and have her there to support me during ropepull.
we definitely made some good memories this week and that was really good for my heart and soul.

now that all the late night practices and homecoming events are over it's nice to now that i will have more time to pour into new and old relationships. 
i will have time for the small stuff, whether that's writing a note, sending a sweet text, or making dinner plans. 
i wont have to cram all my relationship work into an hour time slot.
i will have time to get some good rest, that is until finals roll around.
i now have time to actually communicate with my fiance, family, and friends.
i have time to blog, hopefully more regularly. 
i might even be able to enjoy a nice bubble bath every now and then :)
i'm definitely thanking God for this relaxation that i have in this moment, because it's likely to be short-lived.
in my nearly 4 years of college i have learned what it means to be thankful for things such as relaxation and boy am i ever!!


until next time... thanks for reading my ramblings!


"Allow yourself time to be lazy and even unproductive.
Rest isn't luxury; it's a necessity."- Author Unknown  

changes.

Ive been wanting to blog for such a long time now and it seems that things are finally starting to slow down (I hope I'm not jinxing myself). My senior year of college has been in full swing for right at a month now and it seems crazy how time has just flown by. I have experienced so so many new things already, and I've experienced a lot of lasts as well. Let me elaborate...


 This year is my first time to be a PEP leader, the first time as an SI, the last summer spent under my parents roof, the last time to move into e103, the last fall semester of college, the last time to have recruitment practices for ADPi rush, the last recruitment as a sorority girl, the last, first test of the year, the last, first Skyhawk football game, the last time to meet new freshman, the last year to meet new international students and bug them about cooking me good international food, and coming up soon is my last fall break trip with my roommates/best friends. I write all this and think about how absolutely bittersweet these different things are. 


One year from now I won't be back here in my nice little dorm room with my roommates to pick up after me and wake me up if I'm late to class. I wont be passing friends on the way to classes saying hey, hi, how are ya... One year from now I won't be cramming with my roommates and friends for tests. One year from now I will be MARRIED, I will have a real job, I will be a wife, a housekeeper, and a cook. One year from now I will be one flesh with Pete Choukalas (Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:8) I just cannot believe it! He will be my groom and I will be his bride forever and ever. 


I digress: When I think about this I cant help but think about Christ and His bride (the church) and the commitment Christ has to His bride despite all her shortcomings. It makes me think about how my marriage with Pete will be a representation of Christ and the Church and I so desire that, and cannot wait to experience it. Of course I'm also looking forward to the lovey-dovey, cute things that come along with being married, such as waking up next to my best friend, cooking him yummy dinners, spending lazy saturdays folding laundry and cuddling, and morning breakfast & prayer time before our big kid jobs. 


With all of this excitement to look forward to and all the "last times" that are passing me by, my heart seems to be torn in two different directions. I know without a doubt that I am right in the center of God's will, which is beyond comforting, and I just have to continue to rest in that fact. Not worrying about what's to come, not wishing my time away to enjoy what will be in due time, and making a genuine effort to take my time and cherish every single last moment that I have in this journey of my life. 


"We may run, walk, stumble, drive, or fly, but let us never lose sight of the reason for the journey or miss a chance to see a rainbow on the way." -Gaither

timing.

I heard this on KLOVE this morning and I thought it went along with yesterday's post. I know it also applies to everyone's life especially a few of my closest friends and family, so I wanted to share: 

 Because this man thought he knew the city, he was confused at the route that the taxi driver had chosen.  He began to suggest that the driver use alternative routes, but each idea was answered with solid reasoning.  The passenger, who was in a hurry to catch a plane kept making suggestions, until the driver finally said, “I will get you to the airport and I will get you there in time.  You know the city some because you have visited here often, but I have lived here my whole life and make a living traversing the streets.  You can trust me.”  

Not because He believed him, but because he knew that his input would not be heeded, the man in the back seat sat back and remained silent.  Glancing down at his watch as they pulled up to the airport, he realized that he had arrived earlier than he had anticipated when he had left his hotel.  “Thank you, I guess you did know best.”  The driver responded by saying, “I told you that I could be trusted.  We made it, and we made it on time.”

 Remember, you can be sure that if you trust God with your life, you will arrive at your destination and you will get there on time.  He is never early, and He is never late.  His timing is perfect and so is His sense of direction.       

If you'd like to hear the radio version you can go to the following link:

http://www.groundwire.net/listen-up/groundwire-spots/154.html

© 2004 Champion Ministries dba Groundwire

abide.

As my summer comes to an end I've come to realize that there's a LOT that God has taught/showed me. My summer was destined to be boring, unfulfilling, and spent missing my closest friends. When I first got out of school this past spring semester I was very frustrated with God. I didn't understand why He had me stuck in Memphis while my best friends and fiance were all going to serve both in the states and internationally. I was frustrated that I had to take Organic Chemistry (of all classes) and had to waste a month in summer school.  I was frustrated that I had to take out a loan. Frustrated. Period. I mean, even in my most optimistic state I thought I'd at the very least be able to work in Orange Mound a whole lot and be able to spend some much needed quality time with my family. Well it turns out that God had some plans of His own. 


I'll start with Organic Chemistry because that was the first huge hurdle I faced. First of all, I was failing miserably. Literally from day one, I was lost, I knew immediately that it was over for me and my summer just came crashing down before me. Nevertheless, I wasn't a quitter and I knew God had me there for a reason. I persevered and tried my best. I spent many nights sobbing, emailing my TA with questions, emailing my teacher for help, watching every single youtube video there every was about Organic Chemistry, texting countless people for prayer, etc. etc. It-was-awful ! I began to pray and seek what God had in store to teach me through this miserable experience. First, I knew that God really wanted me to cling to Him and trust in His plans. Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” I also began to seek some opportunities to reach out to others around me. That's when God introduced me to Zeinab Shuker. This sweet girl in my Organic Chemistry lab was stuck being my lab partner (little did she know I wasn't all that smart). We instantly formed a connection because she's from Baghdad, Iraq and I told her how I loved meeting people from other countries. I was so thankful that God gave me a friend in class to understand exactly what I was feeling and going through. As class began to dwindle down (as did my grade) I began to again doubt God's sovereignty. I just kept asking "WHY?" I was prepared to not take the final exam and I had already enrolled on the waiting list for Organic Chemistry at Martin, but God gave me a friend in Zeinab, as well as others to encourage me to persist and not give up. I was so truly blessed that others believed in me and knew I could do it (even when I didn't see it in myself). ... About a month later I finally worked up enough courage to check my grades and much to my surprise God had blessed me with a miracle. A BIG miracle. I PASSED! As I think back about passing chemistry and how I struggled so much through the whole process, I can see God's faithfulness. I see how He taught me to cling to Him and trust in His plan for my summer. It's incredible to see how He worked out everything for His good and His glory and that there is no way I could take any credit for the miracle of passing! Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.


Once chemistry came to an end I began to face the harsh reality that most all of my friends and my fiance were gone serving Jesus and/or working. And there I was, having "wasted" a month of my summer, and blown my opportunity to get a good job (immediately after being done with chemistry, I just knew I had failed- ha!- so I thought that my summer had been such a waste), and because I had no job, I wasn't able to have any money for any sort of mission trip. And on top of that, the one ministry that my heart beats for was on a 3 week vacation. What was I going to do? Well my Jesus had an answer for that too. The week that classes ended, I had not one but two opportunities for me to house sit. I was also asked to clean houses and babysit. God saw my heart and knew my needs and He provided. I was again blown away and beyond thankful for His provision. 1 John 5:14-15 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.


In the middle of all of God's goodness I began to see even more of His hand in my life this summer.  As each day passed I began to see that God placed me at home to lean on and grow in fellowship with my college group. I spent a lot of time missing my friends and wishing I was elsewhere, while at the same time God was providing me comfort, peace, and community through my college group.  He showed me what it meant to be completely transparent. He showed me how to uncover the lies of the enemy and cling to HIS promises. He showed me that each of the people in the college group were intricately placed there for His purpose and through that we could only give praise to Him. It was really neat to hear that others in my church family/community, whom I wasn't necessarily close to, were going through some of the exact same situations as me. What was even more exciting was that we could actually rely on one another for prayer and encouragement, and often times without even asking! I've grown to love being apart of such an awesome group of disciples. Something else God showed me through the time I spent with my church family (that I grew to love so so much) was the intense times of worship through song, prayer, confession, and digging into God's word. It was through this time that I felt most in tune with the Spirit of God living inside me. I desire to bring this time spent abiding with God back to school to share with my Martin fam, and I look forward to how He will get the glory through it all. John 15:9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. 


One of the trials I went through during this summer was with my family. Basically my parents were at a major crossroad and the entire family was/is in need of big change. It was during this rough patch that I had to depend the most on God. I of course spent a lot of time asking God "Why?" I didn't understand why I had to go through yet another trial to learn what it meant to depend on Him. But that's just what He wanted me to do. He wanted me to lean on Him even more, and boy did I ever. There's no way, emotionally, physically, spiritually or otherwise that I could've made it through the family struggles (or anything else for that matter) without total dependence on Christ. James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 


I could've easily been in any city, state, or country in the whole wide world, but had I been anywhere but Memphis I wouldn't have gone through the trials that drew me closer to God. I realize now, despite wishing I was elsewhere this summer, that I was exactly where God wanted me to be. He knew exactly which situations to put me in and bring me through so that I would have to depend totally on Him. There are several more examples of His faithfulness in my life this summer, however this is getting kinda lengthy, nevertheless, I can sing a thousand thanks and praises to Him for exactly what He did in my life this summer. I'm so excited to see how gaining this new understanding of dependence on Christ will transfer back to my daily life at school. I'm now able to be thankful when look at my struggles from His point of view, and I'm able to understand what truly abiding in Him looks like. 

expectancy.

How would our world be shaped if we woke each morning expecting to see Jesus?
I’m not talking about seeing Him through nature or circumstance. I’m talking about actually seeing Jesus. In Matthew 24, Jesus is talking to his disciples about the signs of the end and His return.  We read the words of Jesus as He heaps warning after warning on the disciples.  In verse 34 He says, “I tell you the truth, this race will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. Heaven and earth will pass away but My words will never pass away.” This statement makes me wonder, “Why was Jesus warning those people so long ago, and yet we have still not seen the return of the Son of God?”  Well if we keep reading down we get to verse 36 which says, “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”  Jesus doesn’t even know when His return will be, but one thing He does know is that we need to be prepared. He spent His life and ministry on this earth preparing not only His disciples but us for His return. He wants each day for us to wake up and have the heart, mind, and spirit of expectancy. Seriously think about how your minute-by-minute, hour-to-hour life would be dramatically changed if you were expecting for Jesus’ return.  I know for me personally it would mean not sweating the small stuff, it would mean not getting angry or annoyed about little things or, it would mean picking my battles (or not fighting any), but ultimately it would mean being willing to loose this life of mine for the sake of His name and His renown. This type of thinking and acting would mean totally surrendering my life each day to Him before everything else, before I speak my first word each morning, and before I blink my eyes – that kind of surrender. 
So why don't we go on this journey together? Why don’t we start living out expectant lives? Jesus is coming back, just watch and see. Let’s ask God for the renewing and transformation of our minds and hearts.

Romans 12:1-2
            Therefore, I urge you, brothers [and sisters], in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...

loved.

God’s love for us is unconditional, unmerited, unqualified, unreserved, absolute, immutable. We cannot earn it, no matter how hard we try. We cannot lose it, no matter how hard we try. God does not change his mind. He is eternally and hopelessly in love with the creatures he made in his image.